I feel so violated right now...the blatant neglect..disrespect...I'm terrible at saying how I feel when I'm misguided by light and dark...I hate when I don't feel protected...even if it's by myself. I let my guard down and I feel like I don't feel safe.
I need a safe place, a field of protection..and maybe I'm still not in a place to really feel comfortable around someone who violated me emotionally and physically...I still feel nauseous at the thought. I need to cry. I'm supposed to wash my make up off and I have no energy to do so...I'm exhausted. I'm getting sick.
I feel like I want to cry..and I hate feeling like I'm out of control. Seriously.
The benefits don't seem to be helping me out at all. And it's October. My October started off well, but right now, I feel like I'm losing to the controlling spirit of an attacker. And of course, I'm made to look like an assailant. EVERY single time. Because I noticed how RX was watching me with FV and I'm like GIRL ...I don't know you to be unkind to you but this is a bit much. I don't play awkward games. If I don't have the right heart, I will totally avoid talking to someone until I can handle it. Maybe I'm just too fragile to be in the world I'm in, but I have to push through it ..
I just never felt like insensitivity would be a problem I'd have.
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